Ek’s ‘n dapper muis

Julie 16, 2014

Dapper muisop die wysie van “Ek’s ‘n… dapper muis”…

Ek’s ’n dapper kameraad, kyk hoe stap ek op jou plaas
En daar’s niks waarvoor ek skrik nie.
Ek soek jou beeste en jou huis en die moola in jou kluis
Nee daar’s niks waarvoor ek skrik nie

En wie gaan dit betaal
Oe, betaal?
Ja, betaal voor die bank dit als kom haal
Nou ja, buiten vir betaal, is daar niks waarvoor ek skrik nie!

Ek’s ’n dapper kameraad, kyk hoe stap ek op jou plaas
En daar’s niks waarvoor ek skrik nie
Gee jou skape ook vir my en die kar waarmee jy ry
Nee daar’s niks waarvoor ek skrik nie

En wie koop al die kos
Oe, die kos?
Ja die kos anders vrek die diere mos
Nou ja, buiten vir betaal en kos… is daar niks waarvoor ek skrik nie!

Ek’s ’n dapper kameraad, kyk hoe stap ek op jou plaas
En daar’s niks waarvoor ek skrik nie
Kyk hoe vat ek jou Johan Deere en jou ploeg en jou geweer
Nee daar’s niks waarvoor ek skrik nie

En wie gaan diesel koop
Oe, diesel koop
Ja diesel koop dat die trekkers aanhou loop
Nou ja, buiten vir betaal en kos en diesel koop… is daar niks waarvoor ek skrik nie!

Ek’s ’n dapper kameraad, kyk hoe stap ek op jou plaas
En daar’s niks waarvoor ek skrik nie
Kyk hoe braai ek vir my vleis in die lapa by jou huis
Nee daar’s niks waarvoor ek skrik nie

En wie ploeg dan die land
Oe, die land
Ja die land sodat jy kan mielies plant
Nou ja, buiten vir betaal en kos en diesel koop en lande ploeg… is daar niks waarvoor ek skrik nie!

Ek’s ’n dapper kameraad, kyk hoe stap ek op jou plaas
En daar’s niks waarvoor ek skrik nie
Ek is van die ANC en jy moet als vir my gee
Nee daar’s niks waarvoor ek skrik nie

En wat as dit nie reën en die vee is vel en been
En die boorgate is droog en die lammers wil nie soog
En die mielies wil nie groei en jy moet die enjins bloei
En die dam wat begin lek en die skape wat wil vrek
En die mielieprys is laag en die beeste het ’n plaag
En die kunsmis is te min as die planttyd moet begin
En die drade moet weer heel want jou bokke word gesteel
En jy moet jou kinders voer, maar die plaas is in sy MOER!

Waar’s jy?

Eish! Ek soek hom nie die plaas nie Morena!


Wiskunde oor die jare

Junie 24, 2014

prehistoriqueWiskunde in die 1960′s :

‘n Boer verkoop ‘n bakkievrag vol brandhout vir R100. Sy produksie-koste
is 4/5 van die prys.
Wat is sy profyt?

Wiskunde in die 1970′s :

‘n Boer verkoop ‘n bakkievrag vol brandhout vir R100. Sy uitgawes is 4/5
van die bedrag, of R80.
Wat is sy profyt?

 Wiskunde in die 1980′s :

‘n Boer verkoop ‘n bakkievrag vol brandhout vir R100. Sy uitgawes is
R80.
Het hy ‘n profyt gemaak?

 

Wiskunde in die 1990′s :

‘n Boer verkoop ‘n bakkievrag vol brandhout vir R100. Sy uitgawes is R80
en sy profyt is R20.
Opdrag: Onderstreep die syfer 20.

Wiskunde in die 2000′s:

‘n Boer kap ‘n pragtige woud af sodat hy ‘n
profyt van R20 kan maak. Voordat hy dit egter kan verkoop, word hy geskiet
en sy bakkie gekaap. Die kaper verkoop die hout vir R50 en die boer se
bakkie vir R800 en maak dus ‘n wins van slegs R850.
Opdrag: Verduidelik hoekom dit die regering se skuld is


Blind Date

Mei 27, 2014

woman-on-bad-blind-dateEk gaan op ‘n blind date en wag toe by die restaurant vir die meisie.

Toe daar ‘n meisie aangestap kom wat lyk of dit sy kan wees, vra ek vir haar:

‘Is jy Louise?’

 

Sy antwoord: ‘Is jy Louw?’

Ek antwoord: ‘Ja.’

Toe antwoord die meisie: ‘Nee, ek is nie Louise nie…


Polisiehond

April 14, 2014

polisiehond

 

As jy is deur ‘n polisiehond gejaag word, probeer om nie deur ‘n tonnel te
seil, op ‘n klein wipplankkie te spring nie, en ook nie deur ‘n hoepel te duik
nie. Hulle word daarvoor opgelei. – Milton Jones


Gatiep!

November 3, 2013

gatiepDominee: “Gatiep, hoeveel vroue dink jy moet ‘n man hê?”
Gatiep: “Sestien, Dominee.”
Dominee: “Hoekom sestien?”
Gatiep: “4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better, 4 worse! “


Recreational Marijuana

Oktober 5, 2013

river-rafting

The story behind the story:

There’s certain “adventure groups” that operate illegally.  Those guys that offer abseiling / river-rafting adventures?  Not all them are allowed to do that.  They do not have the necessary training and licenses which means: If you get hurt, insurance will not pay out.

These groups make use of certain group marketing products to promote their products. 

Obviously these group marketing companies do not know that these adventure groups operate illegally.

So what now?

This person has an adventure company that actually operates legally and was approached by one of these marketing companies.   The only way to open their eyes was….well…..unique I would say.

The final result?  They did respond, and are actually busy implementing (hopefully) ways to prohibit illegal companies to advertise with them. 

(names have been changed or omitted or replaced by a BEEP, and no animals was hurt during this conversation)

————————-

Hi BEEP

Thank you for your reply – I am excited about our new potential product, as I know you will be too!

We have two products we would like to launch, and we feel that BEEP will be the only and best platform to partner with us in the launch of this product! I have briefly given you an introduction into the reasoning behind our product below.

According to a report from the UN in 2009, around 8% of South Africans use the recreational drug marijuana. That is twice the global average of 4%. Therefore it is then official:  South Africans are the dagga smoking champions of the world! My research is not unsubstantiated, and I will list all my sources (researched with the help of my trusted old friend Google), below.

If this is the case, and we can assume that the figures have probably increased since 2009, that will mean that we have a potential client base of 8% of 50 million people. That is a staggering 4 million people making use of Marijuana in South Africa alone!!!

Furthermore, the health benefits of marijuana is well documented, which has resulted in the legalization of the use there-of in several countries / states for health reasons. Apart from the obvious health benefits, I am also interested in the psychological effects of Marijuana, which can add to the adventure experience being truly phenomenal! According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, the main effects of marijuana on mood vary and may include euphoria and calmness, anxiety, or paranoia. Getting high or “stoned” is the reason most pot smokers use marijuana. Being in a state of euphoria, and then adding an awesome adventure to the scenario, will just heighten (pardon the pun) the experience for the participant!

Therefore, if I can secure enough suppliers, and package our adventures as a combo deal, we can really target a very big audience! With your subscribed membership base of 900 000 people, the possibilities are endless.

 Combo No 1:

‘Sky High Combo’ – be high on the cliffs and in your head, for a fraction of the price you’ll pay on the streets!

Essentially this is a combination of a 25m abseil adventure and a healthy dose of pot, to be either smoked or eaten in the way of dagga-cookies. Our abseil description already says something to the likes of “step over the edge”, can you imagine what quirky and upbeat slogan your marketing team can come up with for this one?

*******

Combo No 2:

‘Dancing with Waves’ – the ebb and flow of mood and water combined

Paddle a 4.5 km stretch of river, with a half-way picnic stop where, instead of our regular snacks, we will serve, once again, a healthy dose of Marijuana. Sitting there on the sandbank, amongst the swaying river weeds, and smoking a weed of your own, can be a magical and mind-altering (in more ways than one), experience.

*******

Please let me know how soon we will be able to package such a product. I will of course need to secure suppliers, and, if the product really takes off, will have to make sure that we do not run out of supplies. Together we can make millions!!!

Information sources:

http://blogs.timeslive.co.za/hartley/2009/02/20/south-africa-is-the-marijuana-capital-of-the-world/

http://www.trueactivist.com/still-believe-nature-got-it-wrong-top-10-health-benefits-of-marijuana/

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/marijuana-use-and-its-effects

http://www.businessinsider.com/physical-and-mental-effects-of-marijuana-2013-4?op=1


Die spietkop

Augustus 28, 2013

Speedcop

 

Die spietkop klim stadig uit sy patrolliemotor en stap na die student wat hy
voorgekeer het omdat hy gejaag het.

‘Ek wag al heeldag net vir jou Mannetjie,’ sê die beampte kwaai.

‘Dis hoekom ek gekom het so vinnig as wat ek kon’ sê die student sonder om `n oog te knip.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.